Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Such A Strange Combination Of Pity And Indigestion

You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
~ Spongebob Squarepants

And the new diet started about two hours ago, and so far I don't feel the urge to grab a jagged knife and rob a KFC. That's a good thing, for me! I bought a 10lb bag of apples and 4lb bag of peanuts (they were half price!) at the store yesterday, and today have been dining on them quite extensively. Apples are good!!! Did you know that?!?

Sadly, neither one gets more than a 3/5 for weight loss, so I need to find something that's inexpensive, good for weight loss, and that I'll actually eat. Any suggestions> Also, www.nutritiondata.com is such an awesome website.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I Expected Singing And Dancing...

Out-of-town shooters. That's what I said. I remember hearing myself saying, "Out-of-town shooters." You know what? You don't pay a ho to fuck you. You pay her to leave. What you pay out-of-town shooters to do? You pay them to get the hell back out of town. That's why I asked for out-of-town shooters. What'd I get? In-town shooters. Someone decided to hire in-town shooters. You know what else I got for my money? In-town police. In-town trouble. Who's got to get in the ring with me on this?

Ok, I'm not really sure why I went with that line, but it's a good line anyways, you know? Anyways, first day back at work. A few hellos, a 'your e-mail doesn't work, I'll fix it in a bit', and a coffee, and back to the grindstone. Hey diddle diddle hey, welcome back, now get to work. Oh, by the way, we rearranged the network, and we didn't respost the new files that you worked on while you were staying home with your newborn daughter and your wife recovering from major surgery, could you take care of that? Thanks.

Still, it's oddly comforting to be back. It's my desk (until we move and I get a new one), it's my computer (until we move and I get a new one), and it's my big honking warm headphones (which they will have to pry out of my cold, dead hands). I'm hoping we move in January on schedule, since we were supposed to move at the end of October, and as of yesterday the new building is still composed largely of rotting siding and new plywood. I'm sure it's nicer inside.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal!

So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with
God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels
already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes
into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one.
Noah's ark is a problem. We'll have to call it "early quantum
state phenomenon". Only way to fit 5,000 species of mammals
on the same boat.

Hee. Firefly.

It's 11pm, and I have to put together a building in Nelson I'll never be able to afford to live in. My newborn baby girl is asleep and meeping a few feet away, and I still have to do some laundry tonight, and tomorrow do the bulk of my Ecksmass capitalist sacrificing. I'm all... bendy...




Much better. I need a dark chocolate crackball, only $0.88 for three! What a bargain! What a deal! What a twist!

Make people answer their gorram e-mail.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Cold Diggitty Daffodil!

Every winter,
When the great sun has turned his face away,
The earth goes down into a vale of grief,
And fasts, and weeps, and shrouds herself in sables,
Leaving her wedding-garlands to decay -
Then leaps in spring to his returning kisses.
~Charles Kingsley

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours." ~Robert Byrne

It's like Hot Diggitty Daffodil, but instead it's cold. It's the sort of cold where you go outside, and your skin says "Hey, this isn't that bad!" because it takes a few seconds for your skin's protective cushion of air to bleed off. However, you look around, think it's all right, and you take a deep breath. Your gasp of shock is drowned out by the death cries of your nostril hairs, and the wintry gust moves into your lungs, freezes the deposits of tar and polyunsaturated fat, shatters your alveoli, grudgingly warms up, and exhales in a cloud of vapor which soon solidifies around your skull, smothering and killing you.

This is why I'm inside right now.

Antisthenes says that in a certain faraway land
the cold is so intense that words freeze as soon
as they are uttered, and after some time then thaw
and become audible, so that words spoken in winter
go unheard until the next summer. ~Plutarch

Also, because of the cold, most of my other business ventures have ground to a halt. There's no more traffic at all over at ThinkTank Designs, which is my side job of creating environmentally housing for people who want an artistically distinct home that will keep them warm in the summer, cool in the winter, and last longer than any of the stick-built McMansions down the street. The Seniors Guide is also going very slowly, since it's too cold for the salesman to go out and actually get ads. He's old.

Right now, we're all huddled in our house, enjoying the Christmas lights hung from the crown moulding, and trying to teach our middle child that the new baby can't, in fact, withstand a full nelson, a throat punch, or a head-butt. Also, we have to teach ALL THREE kids that since my wife's C-section was apparently performed by a first-time resident, and five of the staples fell out on their own (while three just came loose and got snagged in her clothing, with agonizingly painful results), they should very VERY GENTLE with her. So far it isn't taking, and both kids keep trying to hug and tackle her with good intentions and painful results.

Enjoy the movie down below :) One of my favorite songs, and one of my favorite movies. MWAHAHAHAH!!!

Friday, December 7, 2007

Congratulations! It's A Baby!

If you are like me, and you certainly must be,
you are appalled and shocked at the weird,
unnatural things going on tonight. ~ Sam the Eagle

More specifically, it's a baby girl. Say hello to Ophelia.

I'm sure she'd wave back, but right now all she can do is cry, eat, sleep, poop, and gnaw on her own hand. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was trying to escape. *sigh* Babies.

Ok, now to start the work that I couldn't do this week, since my office doesn't like to hire competent CAD people (I don't mean you, Sim... you rock.)

I'm bored. Have a video.