Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Catharsis Tastes Good!

I am a comedian and poet, so anything that doesn't get a laugh …
is a poem.

Ok, folks, confession time. Now, a lot of you (and by a lot of you, I mean Throkky and Sleeping Kyle) read my post on Monday, and half of you (meaning not Sleeping Kyle) apparently became quite infatuated with it. Or possibly infuriated with it. Possibly infected with it. Whatever "i" word I'm supposed to be using, just imagine it's up there, ok? Run with it. I've got a point, and I'm heading towards the end of it. I will not be stopped!

Now, the point I had been trying, very poorly, to make on Monday was that it's hard to have a blog where I CAN'T talk about personal stuff, because the people I talk about read my blog, or at least know people who read my blog. Really, all that does is limit me to talking about stuff that is mildly amusing but, on the whole, not important, and just serves to further highlight how much stuff in my life is being internalized to the point where I'm finding it hard to cope. Oh, wah wah wah, bitch bitch bitch, Marble's being mopey... boo hoo...

Now, in terms of confessions, this probably isn't going to sound like a great one, and I hope judgement will be reserved for the end of the blog (the part before the music videos, because that's sort of off-topic.) Even so, I feel it's an important place for me to start.

This is the first morning in a long time that I've driven to work without being mad at Throkky, and the world in general.

Now, that might seem to be "I confess I'm a jerk most of the time!", but I hope that I can explain. In a normal day, anywhere between thirty and eight thousand things make me mad, make me clench my fists, make my grind my teeth, make my eye twitch, and generally make me want to yell and/or hit something. However, I've become expert at suppressing all of that. Most mornings, Throkky does something to make me mad. Now, given perspective, I know that she needs her coffee in the morning and whatever she's done to irritate me is exceedingly minor. It may have been something she did the previous night, or it might just be me being cranky at the kids. It might be something Throkky did last year, or three years ago. It doesn't matter... I always end up driving to work mad. Depending on how my day AT work goes, I also usually drive home mad.

Now, when I come home and see her, all that anger dissipates. Really, it does. I come home, and realizing that, once again, I've just been dwelling on the negative, and most of the negative is the result of how I handle the events around me (read: badly).

Today, I woke up in a good mood. Zalgite was being a fussy little drama-queen (he has an owie in his mouth, so once again I had to throw out his breakfast), and Throkette was eating toothpaste again. I had my breakfast, made some coffee, gathered up my stuff (lost my shades), and headed to work, and all the way in to work, all I could think about was last night.

For the first time in a long time, me and Throkky talked about more than just idleness. I don't talk much, since one of the things I've picked up for the years is that talking to other people about serious subjects just brings more pain, and that's one of those things that's more my fault than anyone else's, just because of my mad skills at dwelling, and my complete inability to talk properly and honestly about things that are disturbing me.

Now, as you can see, in typically Marble fashion, I am over-reacting to a single event, and now baring my soul and other vestigal organs to the world, the intertubes, the blagosphere, and Throkky herself. I'm not saying I'm cured of all my myriad, nay, legion mental issues, but I feel like I'm starting down a good road here.

I love you, Throkky, even if I don't always show it.


Well, that was deep, huh?

Black Light Burns - Lie This is what happens when someone realizes they have godlike talent, and they're stuck in Limp Bizkit.

It's a bad time to be stupid....

1 comment:

lostdwarf said...

YAY! You found the clip. I was just talking to someone about it! Thanks.